revealed

after all that i have done..
after all that i have sacrificed..
and this is what i get?

traitor under my own flesh..

"this is gonna be the happiest time ever!" ....says her

"u dont even care whether im gonna be alrite anot!" ....says her

"celcom broadband is everything that means to me rite now!" ....says her

"quarell is what u can alwiz do!" ....says her

"u never think of my feelings!" ....says her

"u can sleep as late as 5am in the morning EVERY SINGLE DAY!" ....says her

"whatever u have said in the blog bout me, ARE ALL LIES!!" ....says her

and many more.. that i wish i couldnt remember..

firstly, what i wanna say is..
JUST BELIEVE WHATEVER U WANNA BELIEVE
this is ur weakest point.. accusing without further investigation!
u can just call up, yelling at me, scolding me, accusing me to whatever i didnt even THINK of doing!
as long as it satisfies you, jz believe it then..

yes, i lied to u by saying how much i care for u..

yes, i lied to u by saying how much u meant to me..

yes, i lied to u by telling u to be strong..

yes, i lied to u when i tell u how much i love you..

and yes, the tears that dropped from my eyes each time i write and think bout u are TOTAL LIES!!

u're happy??.. coz THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT U WANTED ME TO SAY!

tell u something before u start to accuse me again..
the day u told me it happened? i cried immediately.. i meant IMMEDIATELY!
in the car, i hide my red red eyes under my shades..
i wiped my tears a few times, and act so cool, and so not me..
and do you know why i did that?..
itz because of irene.. she's there too.. i dont wan her to know how weak i am..
i want her to be strong, as strong as me..
by showing no tears to her when i look into her eyes..

another thing..? my face, my sobbing and crying face..
u realised that i didnt show that face when im at home..
and you wanna know why?
because of my sisters.. the same reason.. i dont want them to know that im weak..
that i am strong! that i am capable of taking care of them!
but what did u just accused me?
you have no heart at all..

my frens can be my alibi..
i am DOWN, moody for nearly a week at school!!
until the end of my test papers, i cant even stop thinking bout u!
i even said "y friday is coming so so so soon..?"
grace was there.. she'll be the most understanding one to me..
and everytime i stepped my foot into my house,
i'll quickly change my mood from sad to happy..
am i not suppose to do that??

the day u went in..
i was sitting there.. waiting and waiting..
i sneaked in ur room.. waiting and praying alone.. praying and praying..
waited for 2 hours.. still no sign of u yet..
waited somemore.. till they came back, and our turn to go back..
im still waiting.. for phone calls.. and still praying hardly..
these "silly" act i had done.. izzit worthy?
after u accused me?
no~ i have no regret at all.. u're safe, and that is all i want..
but yet... i think i had done a serious mistake in your point of view!

at home..
yes, i onlined..
and yes, i chatted till late at nite..
but have u ever thought who are these guys that im chatting to?
they're my frens..
my frens who were willing to help me, to comfort me, to motivate me and to guide me..
but what will you think?
gaming... gaming... gaming... gaming...
i can honestly tell you these thing...
without them, i will not be as strong as i am now..

there's a few "silly" things that i've done..
if that is the way u wanna say it..

you know what?
im thinking of commiting suicide now..
really..
let me just die, and these problem will come to an end..
and i tink this is what u wanted too..

signing off now..
will not blog in the mean time..

.