final in less than 3 hours =x

this post is randomly posted by me before i "die",

"killed" by my counselling skills paper.

here are the reasons why.

i finished reading all the chapters. *hallelujah*

but when i looked back at the front chapters,

everything seems alien to me!

meaning, i've forgotten bout it.

sigh

i cant remember all the purposes', functions and sequences.

when i looked back, i can understand.

but not memorizing it.

sigh

in order to get a B, i need to score at least 70 in this paper.

which is like, totally IMPOSSIBLE.

automatically, motivation LOW.

sigh

everytime when i look at HER notes,

i will remember back the way she talked to me and the contents of our conversation.

and my coursework marks.

totally fcuked up marks.

again, motivation LOW.

sigh

so, to all my frens who are struggling,

i hope you guys will do your best.

just aim for PASS will do,

dont put your expectations to high.

if not you'll surely be disappointed.

=)

the frustrations..

hey peepz..

2 more days to my first final paper. Counselling Skills paper. these few days, i thought i will be able to study this subject concentrate-ly. but just yesterday, things changed. its not that im not interested in this subject, but what that particular person had said to me yesterday really hurt my feelings deeply. i tried to forget all about it, but it does gave a huge impact on me. my impression towards this particular person dropped tremendously. and automatically, when im trying to study HER subject, i'll keep thinking bout what she said to me. =x

and these days as well, 2 nights continuosly i came back home feeling so unsafe. first night was when a huge cat was trying to scare me by following me and looking me straight into my eyes. second night was worst. firstly, i passed by the basketball court on my way home from mamak, and there was wild dogs there. and i was all alone walking there. after made it to the junction at my house, i thought i can be relieved. but the second thing that happened was a motor with 2 Indian guys coming towards me and stopped in front of me. and let me tell you guys again, im all alone. they said "hi" and giggled idiotically. for awhile i thought they were up to something, but thank God they didnt do anything and left. for these 2 nights, i came home terrified and scared.

i know i promised to tell you everything. but what if that matter is about you, that i have to think about it myself, that i have to try to solve it myself. i know i shouldnt be thinking anything bout it, but i just cant stop it..ok? im sorry if i hurt your feelings when i behaved this way. but i need to be like that, to avoid anything that will hurt us both later.

since you left, i honestly cant stop thinking bout you. whenever i think back bout the moments we had together, i'll smile and my heart cries for your presence. i know this sounded stupid and silly. i know i said to both of us that it's better for us to move on. but you were right bout me still love and care for you. or was it missing you? yes, i miss you. very much.

i just feel its better if it's that way.

and thanks for being there

when i needed somebody..

P.S. I Love You

i want the HAIR!

this is just a random post of mine. i love this incantation song of the new Disney cartoon, Rapunzel : A Tangled Tale. in that movie, when this song was sung, Rapunzel's hair will glow and the magic will do her wonders. super love this song! ♥

♫ ♪ Flower, Gleam and Glow.

Let your power shine.

Make the clock reverse,

bring back what once was mine.

Heal what has been hurt.

Change the fates design.

Save what has been lost,

bring back what once was mine. ♫ ♪

Finals?..

hey peepz!

im back in kampar. i've been sitting in the bus from 9.30am till 4.5

5pm. count how long is that, coz im so pissed with the bus driver and his assistant! they kept talking non-stop and LOUDLY! the moment i entered the bus and sat on my place, i overheard the bus driver said, "Aku drive straight sampai kul 6.30 pagi tadi ko tau tak?". and i automatically set my mind to DONT SLEEP mode. i mean, if you were me, would you dare to sleep the whole journey?? i dont think so.

i brought Patrick to Kampar!!

♥

i reached my room at sharp 5.10pm. then i went for a nap before adam came. and he gave me this teddy bear as my birthday present. thanks adam kee!!! =D

itz kinda BIG.

and fluffy.

his name.....no name yet, will think of it later.

=)

after eating dinner with adam and da er, we went to the salon. adam wanted to cut his hair, and i washed my hair. pampered my hair again! ♥ the shampoo was ok, but the massaging was.....hmm, not really up to my expectation. and waited for yuchi to came back. went out to have a drink again. and voila~ im here blogging.

my first paper is on this saturday. STUDY HARD JOLENE! =)

im really tired and having major headache now. didnt sleep since last night. so, im gonna sleep now.

janne.

thanks for the love and care..

P.S. I Love You

My 20th Birthday.

hey peepz!!

yah, it was my birthday yesterday. and Happy Birthday to Babi Karen Tan too! itz so fortunate to have someone whom I knew that has the same birthday as me!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BABI KAREN

i woke up late, around 11.15am. and the moment i woke up, i onlined using NoNo and there's alot more birthday wishes at Facebook. and after tired of replying using NoNo, i went downstairs, switched on my computer and started replying there. it was so much faster and easier compared typing in NoNo. anyway, i SINCERELY replied ALL of the birthday wishes and im so thankful to each and everyone of you guys!

the first present was from aliff. he gave me before my birthday itself. itz an english novel from Cecelia Ahern, The Gift. thanks yah! =)

ok, while i was busy replying the wishes on Facebook in that morning, Elaine came and gave me this HUGE box. i wasnt expecting any packages on my birthday. so i was quite surprised. and immediately, i had a new friend, named Patrick. thanks to the HEAD, toh yu chi and the gang. you guys made my day. ♥

guys, meet Patrick.
Patrick, meet the guys.
=)

then, ridhwan came to fetch me around 1.30pm. we were supposed to attend my fren's sister's wedding. but we couldnt find the way there. so we ended up having lunch at Secret Recipe. ridhwan's birthday present was.....Tom Yum Spaghetti and a cup of Iced Lemon Tea. then i went back home, satisfied. =)

i bought a bathing spray for BuBuq, perfumed! and i learnt alot bout BuBuq when the doctor advised me bout how to take better care of BuBuq.BuBuq, mama's coming back tomoro. wait till mama get back home k? love you!!

that night, was the cake-cutting session. mama bought mocha cake for me. it was quite big, and i dont think so we can finish it in these few days. =x it was simple, they sang few songs for me, and blew the cake for me. =.=ll

and we went to the mall after that. where mama promised to buy me my birthday present. perfume! she bought me a DKNY Fresh Blossom perfume. love you mama! ♥

ridhwan and hilmy came later, and we watched The Social Network there at ECM. it was a nice movie. and thanks hilmy for the birthday present, a Large Popcorn, shared by the 3 of us. haha!!

received a call from the LAST person (since he wanted to become the last person to wish me so badly), firdaus called and wished me Happy Birthday. as usual, we argued on the phone for quite long, our arguments seems never ending right? haha! anyway, thanks alot dear~ thanks for saying such sweet things! and i love you so much too! =)

and received a text from Nantini all the way from UK to wish me happy birthday. did I tell you how much i love u nan? yes, I LOVE YOU! =) thanks alot yah baby~~ you take care over there ok?

"FROM THE VERY BOTTOM OF MY HEART,
I THANK EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU ALL
FOR BRIGHTENING UP MY BIRTHDAY.
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH.
AND I LOVE YOU GUYS!"
(Jolene, 2010)

went back around 1.30am after having a drink with the boys. that's how my birthday ended. thanks elaine who waited for me at home. im grateful. deeply appreciate.

i bought the tickets back to Kampar already. 9.30am. STUDY HARD!!

btw, im blogging at Starbucks at Megamall. and guess what? i witnessed an accident!!! one car bang another car from the back, and a total of....4 or 5 cars? i cant really remember. but it was really exciting to hear the sreeching sound of the emergency breaks and the bangs! hehe!~ luckily no one was injured.

datz all i guess.

janne.

going to meet you soon.. =)
P.S. I Love You

seconds ahead..

hey peepz!

itz 3rd of Dec today. in the morning, went to Toyota Service Center to fix ViVi. stayed there since 8.30am and all the way till almost 1.30pm. anyhow, the service there is quite ok. free drinks and nasi lemak + chicken for us. hehe~~

after lunch at home (mama cooked chicken rice!), i fetched elaine to the mall, and she bought her books. whereas me? i bought something of course! 2 Toms Girls short pants!!! i feel like buying every of the patterns. but itz so impossible.. =(

when driving just now, im "emotionally unstable" again. im driving recklessly again. and how i hate that feeling. i know im putting myself and my sisters in danger. but i cant control myself. for few times now i've been acting like this. then, an angel said to me, "please drive carefully." and it actually made me think. i have to change this attitude of mine. really.

i slept for 2 hours this evening. it was supposed to be a short nap, but it turns out to be sleeping. haha! i woke up around.....7pm? after dinner we went to the beach.

mama and me

♥

then, mama said she wanted to drink something. and we went to drink sai mei lou. i dont know what they call that in english. but i will only have this drink here in TC. other place? not ever! haha~

now, im blogging at home. going to sleep soon.. im hungry btw.. =(

Did i tell you guys why i HATE 3rd Dec each year?

janne.

u made my day..

thanks so much..

P.S. I Love You

counting days!

hey peepz!

yesterday i went to ECM with my family, and i decided to buy ingredients to cook chicken curry! and i did, cooked chicken curry today. with the help of mama of coz. A LIL'!!

ta-da!!!

itz DELICIOUS!!

*oh, please believe me~*

tonite, which is about now... im going to watch movie with my 3 younger sisters. and plus Ridhwan who wanted to tag along. i hope this cartoon worth RM10. i heard itz funny and interesting. let's hope for it then! =)

got to go bath now.

janne.

im sorry for the cruel words..

but that is the thing that i think i should do.

im sorry. really am sorry.

P.S. I Love You

back home!

IM BACK TO

KUANTAN...

miss me? ;)

i cant really online often at home now.

if i want, i have to go all the way to Starbucks.

that's what mama said.

plans? i dont know yet.

but movie tomoro night for sure.

ジ

nite all.

♥ xoxo ♥

note to myself : no emo when im here please....

stay strong with me,

dont give up just yet..

because I need you to go through this...

P.S. I Love You

30th November 2010

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO

CHEN KAI SHEN

may you success in everything you do.

God bless you~

itz 30th november. itz my fren's birthday. and also my timetable registration day. whenever is registration day, i'll get mood swing. i guess everyone will experience the same too. especially when 3 of us had only one computer to do it! if i had known, i should have listen to someone and stayed at home to register. luckyly, when both my frens registering, adam went to register for me 1st. if not, i doubt there's any place left for me. =(

so, here's my timetable.

not totally same as my friends,

but at least all the class i have company.

=)

i was having a terrible mood swing, almost the whole day today. even the slightest, minor thing will caused me to be emo and moody. thanks period! im so sorry if i misbehaved today, i didnt want it to. but the tummy ache and the hormone inbalance really drive me crazy!

sorry kaishen i didnt go makan dinner with you and others. itz not that i dont want, but i just dont have to mood today, and im afraid that i'll effect others. that's why i planned to stay at home. sorry again yah.

well, i cant blame entirely on the period on what happened today. there are few that wasnt my fault too. and you know what? im just gonna keep it in me. i may be the one who is wrong, but you're not entirely correct either. =)

i finally washed BuBuq's house. it didnt smell that bad, but im just trying to make myself buzy at home. when im alone, there're always things which are not really good comes into my mind. so, lucky u BuBuq! ur house smells nice now. and you too smells nice. im gonna buy you perfume powder when i go back to kuantan. and i'll try to find your favorite nuts too. ^^

okay, im done here. wanna watch a movie, then pack my stuffs. going back to kuantan tomoro.

janne.

wish you were here...

='(

P.S. I Love You

it was exactly what you wanted..

hey peepz!

itz nearly 1.10am now, and i just came back from my dinner. today i slept most of the hours. didnt get to study anything. again.

next Tuesday at 9am will be my registration of my new sem's timetable. will be pissed again on that day. will do it with my frens at the campus. hope everything will go on smoothly~

while walking back from dinner with yuchi, adam and miaw, i learnt a lesson. to NEVER TALK BAD THINGS ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE !! the story was like this :

while walking, i heard a guy's sound from behind.

i turned and looked back, there's a guy, with two girls.

he was talking so loudly about his friend..

and i told yuchi,

"it's not that we wanna be 'sam pat', but he talk so loud! let the whole world know his story ady loh??"

then when i wanna continue talking bad bout this guy, suddenly i heard that guy calling out loud,

"JOLENE SQUAREPANTS!!!!"

i got a shock of my life, closing both my ears, hoping that itz not me that the guy is calling. and i screamed!

rupa-rupanya, itz LUM CHAN KHIEN!!!! with grace and xiao kee.

they were so surprised of my reaction, where both me and yuchi laughed like mad.

then we explained to them bout the talking-bad-bout-khien's process.

(the moral of the story : DO NOT EVER TALK BAD BOUT OTHER PEOPLE. SAVE IT AND TALK AT HOME)

-the end-

now, im in my room. and guess what? yah, tears rolled down from my eyes, again. itz been almost a week now, but somehow, i still cant get over it? come on Jolene, be strong!! for everyone around you.

i think i should just go and sleep now. or watch few movies. or wash clothes. or gaming. or any other stuffs! just to keep me buzy.

there's not a single night i sleep without crying

janne.

yes, we are not perfect..

yes, we make mistakes..

yes, i would try to forget bout you..

P.S. I Love You

as long as u're happy & satisfied

hey peepz!

today i didnt no anything interesting much. went to lecture this morning (incredibly!) and also to meet my advisor. actually the main reason is to meet the advisor. just because both my lecturer and my advisor is the same person, so might as well enter his class. and finally, DONE!

then we went to the bus station to buy my bus ticket. itz the same as before. next Wednesday (1st December) at 9.15pm. so, i'll reach around evening i guess. sigh~

previously, thinking of going back is a wonderful thing for me, especially when it falls on my coming birthday. now? not really. if can, i prefer not to go back. but i miss my family. they're the only reason why i go back now. and my fren's sister's wedding of course. other than that, i find no other reason for me to go back to Kuantan.

i cooked the sauce for spaghetti today as our dinner! me, yuchi, adam and miaw ling had it at yuchi's house. then after that, we went out, to eat lok lok. and next to MM for a small "discussion". hehe~ hanging out with them really made me happy. and forget. yah, that is what i want.

again i wanna tell myself here. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. as long as he's happy and satisfied, then it shall be ok.

because you're the one who decided.

i seriously need some sleep now. tomoro? good plans!! =)

janne.

i WAS happy..

but not now, not anymore...

P.S. I Love You

final days of sem 2

hey peepz!

because today i have no classes to attend, i slept till around afternoon. yesterday nite, it happened again. im so sorry. then me and yuchi went to jie er's house, he's gonna cook spaghetti for us! but, the problem is, he's worse than my cousin brother, whom i called many many times but still cant wake up. to jie er, me and yuchi called 41 times, before we can enter his house, thanks to his housemate, and we knocked on his door. then finally he woke up. =.=ll

the spaghetti was nice, delicious, fantastic !!!!!!!! ♥

when i came back into my room, it was already 5.30pm+. i wanted to sleep. but i cant, im afraid i will think of things which i shouldnt think about. so i made myself buzy, again. by editing photos! itz been quite long i didnt edit photos. perhaps now is the perfect time. coz editing photos are time consuming for me. these are the photos which i managed to edit. i havent edit all yet, just wait for more k? ^^

..THE GIRLS..

..THE BOYS..

and lastly,

..THE GROUP..

i think this is kinda cute.

*wink*

now, itz nearly 1.58am, and i have to sleep. thr's replacement class tomoro. sigh~

ohh yah, i've decided to go back to Kuantan next week, wednesday morning. and celebrate my birthday there before coming back here for my finals. =)

janne.

"Special thanks to Ahmad Ridhwan Mustafa for the song"

and to those who were concerned bout my situation,

who spent time and days and nights with me.

i thank you.

♥

i think i better leave right now,

before i fall deeper and deeper...

i think i better leave right now,

before i get weaker and weaker...

P.S. I Love You

rain ♥

hey peepz~

guess what? i played under the rain again today~! the feeling was just so kimochii!!! wonderful feeling! walking under the rain gave me calmness and joyful feeling. but thanks to that oso, im about to get sick. so, get ready Jolene! =(

i uploaded 200+ photos today. and tagged one by one of them. im tired of course, especially when i tagged everything and they said, "SYSTEM ERROR" and when i pressed "back", *poooof*! all disappear~ and i have to re-tag everything all over again. =) testing my patience and my fingering skill. but anyhow, i enjoyed laughing twice at the same photo. hehe~

so, guys. all your photos have been tagged. belanja me makan yah. ♥

im gonna sleep now.

janne.

though im doing it only to keep myself buzy,

and to NOT think bout you,

but somehow...

P.S. I Love You

fairytale ended.

the feeling of skipping 2 lectures this morning is just fantastic! the bar list was out, so i dont have to worry too much. but the main reason is that

i cant wake up this morning. i was so tired after what happened yesterday.

but tomoro, we'll attend the lecture at 12pm. i'll wake up, definitely.

while sleeping this afternoon, i had a dream. i remembered my lecturer, Mr. Yusof said before. "When you had weird dreams, or dreams which is negative, dont tell it to other people. Just keep it to yourself, and pray to God that it will not happen." but for me, in this dream, i had to tell, and at the same time i will pray to God that it will not be true.

i dream that me and my family were walking in a street. suddenly there was a little earthquake. and then solid-black smoke coming towards our way in the sky. i told my family to run as fast as we can. i was holding my youngest sister, irene's hand. we ran towards a row of shops in front, we went in. the smoke passed, and some managed to get into the shop that we were hiding. i coughed and coughed as i breathed in the smoke. my sisters too. and the smoke disappear.

second earthquake happens. this time, harder. we decided to hide deeper inside the shop. i searched for plastic bags for me and my sisters to breath in later, in case the smoke managed to come in. and it did. the smoke was more aggressive. after everything happened, the firemen came for us. i left my phone in the shop. i rushed in for it. the firemen stopped me by grabbing my arms. i yelled at them saying, "I have to call my boyfriend!" when i reached for my phone, i dialled your number. and say, "baby? are u alright? im safe. love you.." and i woke up.

i dont know what the dream means to me. but he's right. i have to learn to be independent from now on. eventhough there's no one sending "good night.. love you.." messages, i have to get used to it. it was hard. no one to hug when im watching movie. no one to tease around with. no one to kiss my forehead anymore. without all these minor stuffs, i guess i just cant move one. but i know, i have to.

deleting all of your pictures, numbers or other communication ways will just temporary make me calm, but i know i'll regret doing it. what else i can do? nothing. just sit here and think bout you? yes im doing it all the time when im alone. trying to make myself buzy will also temporary distract me, but at the end of the day, i'll still cry.

im trying to be tough, eventhough i know that im not. if you really know me, you should know how i feel now.

i promise her that i wont cry for you anymore. but i just cant keep the promise. sorry elaine. i just cant help it, i just have to cry. but dont worry bout me k? im okay..

that's the end.

God, help me to go through this please..

EXAM??

hey peepz!

my final exam's timetable is out! *dupp dapp dupp dapp*

11th December 2010 (SATURDAY) - UAPC1014 COUNSELLING SKILLS (2 HOURS)

18th December 2010 (SATURDAY) - UAPC1024 THEORIES OF COUNSELLING AND PSYCHOTHERAPY (2 HOURS)

study hard everyone! including me!

put aside all the worries and sad stuff, study first k?

*i doubt i can do that*