bad night.

it came back..

which i hope it will not..

cause i know what it means..

it will bring sadness, tears and depression together.

the phone rang, but was ignored..

rang for the second time, but still was ignored..

rang for the following times, but still..

the beep noise from Facebook was heard,

which shows there's a text in the chatbox..

tried to ignore, but it cant be..

there was a long text, i read line by line.

continued for few minutes,

before the phone rang again..

still, it was ignored..

i cant hold back any longer..

i started to type my text,

it was like a-no-ending-text..

line by line i filled with my words,

filled with disappointment, anger and dissatisfaction..

while my fingers busy-ly working, my tears kept flowing from my eyes..

similarly to my text, it was like a-no-ending-flowing too.

then i switched off Lappy,

coz i cant bear to see the replies that i will eventually get..

the phone rang again, i did not pick up..

another phone of mine rang, from the same caller..

but yet, i switched it off..

the previous phone rang, finally i picked it up.

almost immediately, my tears became generous again..

it flowed out from my eyes like never before..

i walked towards my window,

peeping the outside world which is so cold..

i sat down, feeling the cold breeze from the window just right above me..

while feeling chilly, with my voice breaking,

i cried.. i sobbed..

and my voice became louder and louder while speaking.

i moved, and walked to my bed..

as i placed my head carefully on my pillow,

the tears flowed downwards from my eyes..

my pillow was soaked with tears.

i continued talking and arguing..

i calmed down a little somehow.

at a moment,

i seriously wanted to take out the scissors from my drawer,

cut my arteries and just die.

rather than facing any of this..

and now, i hope everything will be alright.

i can only hope. can only wish. can only pray.

"Dear God, let there be no more arguments. Let us be in peace. Let us be in harmony."

Amen.

i felt terrible now.

felt disappointed.

felt depressed.

felt lonely somehow.

like there's no one who understands me in this world anymore.

im sorry.

-listening to your song, to help me calm down-